Modern Day Motherhood
Every day I hear stories from creative, smart, motivated, educated, and well-rounded women who love their children. While these mothers are completely committed to their families and are willing to sacrifice tremendously for their families, the degree of frustration felt by most of these mothers is astounding. Though most of the mothers I speak with vary greatly in personalities and circumstances, they all seem to undoubtedly share the same kind of common frustration.
HOW DO WE RAISE OUR CHILDREN IN TODAY'S WORLD AND KNOW WE ARE DOING A GREAT JOB?????
For all our many differences, frustration unites modern-day mothers. As a whole, we are all incredibly stressed, drowning in self doubt and filled with an unmeasurable amount of guilt. No matter what, we all seem to feel ashamed of our messy lives and inability to keep up. Yet when we compare to our mothers, we are better resourced and more informed than any generations of mothers in the history of the world.
Variations of questions and concerns come up daily;
How do I shape the personalities of my children?
How do I equip them with enough love and at the same time balance it with the adequate amount of discipline?
How do I make them believe in their full potential and live it?
How do I raise responsible children?
How do I make my kids appreciate more what they have and are given and feel a sense of satisfaction?
How do I build trust and love with them?
How can I be a friend while still maintain being a Mom?
That brings me to my question. Can anyone tell anyone how to raise children? Surely no, and I would not even dare to try. However I can share a few insights that I have gathered over the years as a mother and as a youth coach.
We are all not trying to produce the same result. We simply should stop looking at our neighbor's doings. Our children are not all the same, our homes are not all the same, our parenting styles should surely not be the same. As a dear friend so eloquently advised me once, we should stop reading so many books and simply follow our instincts.
Just a generation or two ago, it was acceptable to beat, shame and embarrass your child, thankfully, we've come a long way towards a healthier and more loving parenting practice. But, simultaneously our culture has shifted farther and farther away from what we can and can not do. Grandma doesn't live next door anymore. And neither do aunts or cousins who used to share with the load back in our mothers' days. Even if we do live near our extended family, our value system and parenting practices are often misaligned, leaving us with even more frustration. Whether this is healthier for us or not, it's decreasing our sense of support.
Today, in addition to being homemakers, we are expected to simultaneously build careers, be awesome parents, stay fit, practice self-care, and not to mention be aware of all of the food intolerance and emotional wellbeing of our children!!!!! We are wired to care about the needs of those around us, but given the extra pressure to fill so many roles, we are often as emotionally exhausted by caring as we are physically exhausted by doing.
Neighbor's kids are no longer a part of our society. Thanks to technological temptations and climate control , neighborhoods that once served as giant playgrounds are now seemingly childless. Back in the days, we would finish homework and go outside to play with the neighbors. Today we bombard our children with activities and synchronized sports so much that they seldomly have time for free play. I wonder what would happen if we turned off electronics and canceled all activities for one week. I challenge MYSELF to do it for a week, and invite you to join me.
We have more stuff than ever, but less of what our souls hunger for most, such as inner peace, nourishing connections, peace and quiet, easy access to nature, and harmony with our own homes. Consumer culture has set us up to a life that keeps us shopping, organizing, feeling overwhelmed, and then shopping again. This cycle may satisfy us to some degree, but it does not satiate the deeper longings of the soul.
Recent studies have suggested that there is a significant link between parent and child satisfaction, and is more strongly linked to the level of satisfaction of their mothers. According to this study, the links between a mother's happiness and satisfaction and her child's are partly due to the transmission of the behavior. (https://www.econstor.eu/bitstream/10419/65684/1/728891786.pdf)
I'm guessing you know where Im going with this. To sum it all up, lets start being less frustrated and happier so we can sit back and watch what our children will turn into. ( I will go home and start trying as well!)